How to 'Unlove'

"How do I unlove you?"

This is just one of the most famous lines from a local movie. I don't know about you, but I find the word 'unlove' a bit weird.

And so, being the curious girl I have always been, I asked the help of my trusted friend, Merriam to figure this word out. And according to Merriam:

unlove
    verb un·love \"+\
Definition of UNLOVE

transitive verb
:  to cease to love <he must not unlove her but he must certainly leave her — Delineator>
intransitive verb
:  to stop loving something <he can … unlove so easily — Robert Hichens>


How are we really able to 'unlove' a person? This takes me to my unforgettable heartbreak story.

I had my first serious relationship in 2011. I was a junior college student then. It lasted for 2 years and 2 months to be exact. I did things I never expected I could (e.g. riding the bus alone which I never did, looking for an unfamiliar place just to see my ex-boyfriend, confronting a girl who I thought was flirting with him which I later confirmed was true, etc). And the end result, heartbreak.

The relationship started smoothly. I was the happiest girl on the planet. I woke up every day feeling energized and refreshed. I was VERY in love. And then one day, things changed.

Things turned sour between the two of us. Every single day I would go to work with swollen eyes from crying the night before. My mom used to confront me about it, but I insisted it was just the normal "lovers quarrel". I dramatically lost weight due to stress. Each day will not be complete without an argument over petty reasons. This went on for long that I lost appetite for almost everything. I wanted to curse the world for the pain I was feeling that time. I even thought love is just another lonely word.

I poured out my heart and soul into that relationship and I thought I already did my best. But it's true... sometimes, our best is really not enough. I waited for love, respect, time and affection. But I came to realize, these are the things that must not be chased for if it is not given freely, it isn't worth having. (I read it somewhere too.)

I tried, but I grew tired.

So how did I 'unlove' him? I did not. I just learned to love myself more.

After the breakup, I kept myself busy. I read self-help books (some find this pathetic, but I find it helpful), I went out with friends (those I fail to meet during the relationship), I learned a new hobby (making no-bake goodies), and I stress-ate. I did all the things I thought would make me happy. And I did it successfully.

Little by little, I learned to appreciate life again. I smiled more often. And because I was slowly regaining my self-confidence and self-worth (which I thought I lost during the relationship), I was able to serve others and love the people WHO LOVE ME BACK more.

You can never really 'unlove' a person. What you can do is make a choice. You have to choose to be happy and settle for what you deserve. Most of us choose to stick to a relationship that is no longer healthy, because we believe that is what's meant for us. WRONG. Life is short to be dull, stressed and unhappy. I cannot blame you if you stay, though. I once wore your shoes. But everything will pass... and eventually will end. It is what you choose to end: your freedom and happiness, or your unhealthy relationship.

The beginning is always the hardest. I understand it is hard to let go. More so, it is hard not to be bitter after you have decided to move on. But remind yourself this: medicines are bitter, but it's that bitterness that cures us. It's okay to cry, shout, curse if those are your means to let it out. LET IT ALL OUT. And after that, remind yourself that you deserve to be happy.

Love yourself more. Because when you learn how to love yourself, believe me... GOOD THINGS WILL COME. And you will thank yourself one day for doing so.